Finance & Savings

Til Debt Do Us Part
by Marianne Matthews

Jan stormed through the back door. "That is the last time I drive that old junker."

"I'm sorry, Jan. I didn't plan that breakdown you know." 

"I will not be humiliated like that again."

"What do you want me to do about it? We're already in over our heads."

Jan and Richard's stress escalated as their pattern of over-spending continued. They became adversaries in the all-too-common arguments rather than the team players they had been. Would their growing debts be paid from more than just their checkbook? Would their marriage be the ultimate price?

Money has become a major source of conflict. We feed the seeds of discontent by window shopping in the malls and browse mail order catalogs and the internet to discover what we don't have but want. We compromise values that have long been in place. Any kind of emotional upheaval causes us to buy what we do not really want or need just to quiet the turmoil and inner restlessness. 

One pastor put it this way: "We work harder than we want at jobs we hate to buy things we don't need to impress people we don't know." A. W. Tozer described it as "slaves to the tyranny of things." 

U.S. World and News Report calls it "greed gone berserk." 

In "The State of Greed" it states, Many Americans fear the yearning for money has overpowered other values like people's respect for others, honesty at work and participation in their communities, according to polling and in-depth interviews by Princeton University sociologist Robert Wuthnow. It's not the desire to make money that corrodes souls. It's desire for money that overwhelms every other consideration. Only on Judgment Day will it probably be clear who lusted for money to the exclusion of all other values and how many people they hurt along the way. 

The percentage of Americans who said they wanted to earn 'a lot of money' grew from 38 percent in 1975 
to 63 percent in 1994 in polling by Roper Starch Worldwide . . . at the same time, the percentage who said 'developing a meaningful philosophy of life' was a top priority fell from 83 percent to 41 percent. 

Derek Bok, the former president of Harvard University notes, "Along with that came the explosion in divorce, the rise of crime and other antisocial 
behaviors." 

It starts so innocently. Good jobs. Banks place their faith in us by sending pre-approved credit cards that offer 'easy payments.' "How can there be a problem when the banks believe in us?" The rationale makes sense. "We work hard and have the right to enjoy the benefits." "After all, it's not like we are on an uncontrolled shopping spree. We need to replace the car before interest rates go up." 

"We're not buying a new house, we're just remodeling what we have." Thus the insidious slide into insolvency begins.

With the pressures of over-extended finances, the natural outgrowth of blaming each other for the current money crunch starts the accusations flying. "We didn't need that." "Why did you buy that without our talking it over?" "Well, if you knew how to manage money, we wouldn't be in this mess." 

What is the real price tag of impulse buying? Dissatisfaction, lack of contentment, stress, conflict, broken marriages. Young couples today want to have immediately what their parents worked for 20-30 years to get. Wisdom at one time dictated "we can do without it until we can afford it."

A pernicious discontent permeates our culture. Have we left a desirable place of contentment and become breakers of the 10th commandment? · Contentment is the desiring for no more than what one has; to be satisfied. "But godliness with contentment is great gain." (1 Timothy 6:6 NIV) · Covetousness is the inward desire of the heart that longs for, schemes, and puts forth any effort to acquire anything that belongs to another. "You shall not covet your neighbor's house . . your neighbor's wife, . . or anything that belongs to your neighbor" (Exodus 20:17 NIV).

The constant exposure to the subtlety of advertising influences us more than we realize. Bigger, better, newer. Everyone looks so happy in the ads. The "I cannot live without it" temptation causes us to abandon our common sense. Idolatry enters our lives through the insatiable desire for things and can cause us to break all of the other commandments. 

Has this gnawing desire for more things received unconscious sanction from the church by the teaching of the 'prosperity gospel?' Has it opened the door to the church so that it, too, is not exempt from this plague? The founder of PTL and Heritage USA, Jim Bakker, in an interview with Charisma magazine admits he was wrong in perpetuating the 'prosperity gospel.' Through Bible study in prison, he realized he had previously taken verses out of context to prove his point. 

I used to take Luke 6:38, 'Give, and it will be given to you: pressed down, shaken together, running over,' and I used it as a great verse about giving. Jesus wasn't talking about money in that passage. He was talking about forgiveness. He was saying that the same measure you give out forgiveness will determine the measure you receive forgiveness.

Jesus told us not to lay up treasures on earth in Matthew 6:19. In Luke 12:15, He said: 'Watch out, be on your guard against all kinds of greed. A man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.'

I often used 3 John 2, 'Beloved, I wish above all things that you prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers,' as the basis for teaching this prosperity message..then I realized that I needed to study the word 'prosper' more carefully. I learned what John was saying was a greeting. 

He was simply saying, 'I want you to have a good journey through life, even as your soul has a good journey to heaven.' This verse has nothing to do with money!

Have we, too, believed an erroneous message? The destructiveness of discontent and covetousness evidences through broken dreams, broken homes, broken relationships. The stress of over-committed funds creates havoc. That which should have honored the Lord breaks under the weight of financial pressure. Do we desire God's best in all things or do we desire things?

Being ill-prepared for one of life's greatest responsibilities has brought a crisis to the marriages of young couples who want it all now. Does contentment come with fulfilled dreams, solved problems, and met goals? A plan of giving can calm the stormy confrontations:

• Give thanks that God can restore peace in the middle of your storm. Give thanks that He can direct you in bringing your finances under control. Realizing how much God has given us, we move closer to contentment with what we have. We can rest assured that God has a plan to care for our needs.
• Give back to your mate the commitment made when you first fell in love. Return to the place where your love began; re-ignite your relationship by declaring to each other the deep love once felt. Learn to bless, rather than accuse each other. Differences in spending habits can cause tension. Determine to remain calm and guard against anger.

A forty-something college-educated couple with two kids, two jobs and 23 credit cards whose anxiety caused them to look for a 'scapegoat' to blame for their situation decided on a plan of action: "Though it is tempting to accuse others-the banks that kept sending us plastic or the mailers that offered 'easy payments'-the blame rests squarely on our shoulders . . . from now on, it's strictly cash." 

Another solution may be to set up a checking account requiring two signatures so that all purchases and bills need discussion.

• Give in to the Lord's direction. Agree with your mate to find peaceful solutions together. Yield to each other's opinions. Become good listeners. Make a plan and work the plan. Goal: to eliminate debt. 
• Give out of your need to meet the needs of others. Give with no expectation of anything in return. Be a blessing to someone else. 
• Give up the worldly ideals of successful finances. Guard against discontent; 
• determine to be satisfied. Be careful of window shopping and activities that will cause you to buy what you want rather than what you need.
• Give over all present and future needs to the Lord for His wisdom and guidance; if outside help is necessary-seek wise counsel to bring finances under control.

By putting together a sound 'giving' plan and putting a guard on your hearts, you can prevent additional financial pressures. The Lord promised to go through your difficult times with you. By making a commitment to Him and to each other, a hedge of protection will surround your lives and your marriage.